|Ah, what a happy, healthy vampire household. This, too, can be yours!|
So maybe you've found yourself recently undead and more or less vampiric (definitely more) and rooming with other vampires. Yeah, you could live alone but that's lonely and sad and sharing your space with a group of fellow vampires can be a very rewarding experience. But living with other vampires is no easy task. Some days you may find yourself hiding in your coffin just to escape the madness. You're stuck with these guys for all eternity now so you need to learn how to make the most of it. Um, yeah, we guess you could move. But, packing. Ugh. Who wants to pack, right? Right. We've got five basic tips for making the most of your vampire roomie situation.
|Make sure all of your roomies are taking turns with chore duties. |
And a good pair of gloves will keep your skin soft!
1. Take care of your house.If you've been kicking around for hundreds of years, you've probably accumulated a lot of things. We're not saying get rid of your knick-knicks. We love knick-knacks! And your collection of socks from victims of the Black Plague is a great conversation starter anyway. But if you don't keep up your house, they'll be nobody coming over to see your collection anyway. Nobody likes a messy, unkept home, not even vampires. There are a lot of ways you can keep a beautiful home: maybe a cleaning schedule with your roomies will work or you'll enlist the help of your familiars. Either way, make sure to dust regularly because you'd be surprised how hard getting hundreds of years worth of grim off of furniture can be. Being aware of the integrity of your home is of upmost importance as well. Imagine if one of your black-out curtains fell down from a faulty curtain rod and let sunlight into your room while you were sleeping? We shudder at the thought.
|We can't recommend investing in a vacuum more. It'll make cleaning up a breeze.|
2. Respect each other.That human Aretha Franklin had the right idea with her song "Respect" (dang, what a great tune). Every vampire is different and you need to respect your roomies' life choices. We all come from different vampiric backgrounds. You may be living with vampires from the 1300s or 1700s or even just last week. With all of these different backgrounds, though, come different personalities, customs, even sleeping habits. You may be a classic coffin-sleeper but your roomie may prefer to sleep hanging upside down in a closet. Sure, it may be strange to you but don't try to impose your own vampiric beliefs on your roomies—it'll just end badly. And trust us, your customs may seem totally normal but we guarantee you they're wigging your roomies out.
|Everyone loves a good vampire joke. Oooo, floating spoon!|
3. Make time to do activities together.As important as it is to respect each other's customs, it's also a good idea to plan some activities to do together so you can get to know each other. How awkward would it be to live hundreds of years with the same vamps and not even learn their favourite pastime, right? Maybe you'll start a book club or all take up knitting or go club hopping together—the world is your brimming glass of blood! (Humans would normally say "oyster" but that, like all food, is disgusting.) Whatever you do will be a great way to bond with your roomies. We personally recommend setting aside a night to get out of the house. It's a good excuse to put on your favourite ruffly blouse and track down some fresh food. Or dance at clubs. Either or.
|Getting out and partying can be a great way to get rid of hundreds of years of tension.|
4. Clean up after yourself.This one should be obvious but, please, clean up after your meals. Do you know how much harder it is to get blood out of hardwood flooring when it's been sitting for days? And it will start to attract flies and once that happens it's all downhill. Listen, we all know how easy it is to loose yourself in a delicious meal. That neck, that blood, mmm. But be mindful that you share your space with other vamps and having a bloodstained, infested home is just gross. You could try putting down newspaper or tarp before going in for the kill or creating a "blood room" with easy-to-clean tile walls and flooring and equipment to hang your meals and drain them of their blood for later consumption. This is a also great option for a fancy party as you can store the blood in jugs and serve it in that lovely stemware you acquired during Queen Elizabeth I's reign.
|That rug is vintage. Don't you dare get blood on it!|
5. Get the internet.
Or, you know, a hobby. Eternal life is long and having nothing to do will make it even longer. You so don't want to be that whiny, sad vamp that wanders around the house doing nothing either. Womp, womp. Nobody likes a sad-sack vampire. And we don't judge: if your idea of a great way to pass the time is reading Dan Brown novels, go for it. As long as you're happy.
Get your own vamp fix and learn even more tips about living with vampire roomies at this Festival's screenings of What We Do in the Shadows. We recommend taking notes. Or just seeing it all three times.
What We Do in the Shadows is screening at the 2014 Toronto International Film Festival as part of the Midnight Madness Programme. Check out more Midnight Madness films on the official Festival website!
WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS screening times:
Friday, Sept 12th 11:59 PM, RYERSON
Saturday, Sept 15th 9:30 PM, SCOTIABANK 12
Sunday, Sept 14th 3:45 PM, SCOTIABANK 3