WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS: The Case of the Sexy Vampires

In the case of Sexy Male Vampire vs Sexy Male Vampire, Vampire Prosecutor Min Tae-yeon has agreed to arbitrate the dispute. Vampire Prosecutor Min is a member in good standing of the Korean Bar Association as well as the Guild of Infernal, Paranormal and Supernatural Lawyers.

Vampire Prosecutor is prosecuting so hard right now.

To recap, Count Orlok was declared most adorably terrifying vampire, while certain New Zealand vampires declared Deacon from What We Do In The Shadows the sexiest. Dracula continues to maintain he's sexiest.

Vampire Prosecutor Min ruled both Carmilla and Countess Bathory "unsexiest" by default because they disappeared during arbitartion. Human servant Renfield testified in a sworn affadavit that Carmilla and the Countess had slipped away to one of the Countess' special rooms for "special time."

"special time" is in session.

However, actor and MM Alumnus Simon Yam has declared himself not only the sexiest vampire, but also the most handsome, most amazingly dressed vampire and King of the Vampires. And has submitted the following evidence in support of his claim.



But can the so-called King of the Vampires compete with this Prince of Darkness?

Vampires are convinced this is a sexy look.

Or these hot guys?

hotsy-totsy

Or come within three miles of this? 

Could anyone come within three miles of this?

After reviewing seven hours of footage and brooding over the case on his favorite rooftop, Vampire Prosecutor Min he ruled that he himself is not only Sexiest Male Vampire, but Sexiest Vampire.

"Case closed," Vampire Prosecutor says, slipping on his aviators.

Decide for yourself and feel the sexy power of Deacon with the last two screenings of What We Do In The Shadows!

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS screening times:
Saturday, Sept 15th 9:30 PM, SCOTIABANK 12
Sunday, Sept 14th 3:45 PM, SCOTIABANK 3

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS: Vampire Profiles: Elizabeth Báthory

After the last Vampire Profile, we received word from @DeliciousNecks, aka certain Antipodean Vampires, that while Count Orlok might be adorable he'll never be as sexy as What We Do In The Shadows' Deacon. But now I'm about to do a little profile of Countess Elizabeth Báthory, and I'm just not sure if it's fair. Can Countess Báthory compete with Deacon?

Who could compete?

Should we dividing create sexiness divisions? Because I know there are some people who go for Count Orlok.

Erzsébet lookin' good!

Báthory Erzsébet / Countess Elizabeth Báthory de Ecsed was a Hungarian aristocrat. She was born in 1560 or 1561, according to the Crime Library. Her family was reportedly filled with madness, alchemical experimentation, Devil-worship, witchcraft and Lesbianism. Which is probably the best background for the young vampire. Her husband, Prince Nádasdy had special dungeons in their familial castle and their shared interests included: being aristocrats, ruling harshly, beating servants and black magic.

With the help of four other people, the Countess killed hundreds of young women and bathed in their blood as part of her intensive skin care regimen. (Natural beauty takes work, people!). When even Sixteenth Century aristocrats couldn't tolerate her brutality anymore, Báthory was ultimately imprisoned in Čachtice Castle. In 1610, she was walled into a room with a narrow slit for meals to be passed in and out, because she's still being judged and punished by people pretty much like her. The Countess was found dead in 1614--or should I say, "apparently dead in a cunning escape plan?"

"I am totally dead. I only appear alive because of my rigorous skin care regimen."

Some people believe that Báthory was merely a serial killer, but movies conclude decisively that she was a vampire. And I will always go with movie facts--especially the ones I prefer to believe.

Here the Countess uses the name, "Dracula," but it's just a cover to get some respect in a male- dominated and the very Dracula-dominated vampire world.



In Daughters of Darkness (1971), the Countess has sexy times and makes a new friend.



The Countess (2009) conceals her fangs. (Fangs can be so gauche).



And in Southern California, she relies on chastity pledges to keep her feeling fresh and young.



WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS screening times:
Fri. Sept. 12th, 11:59 PM, RYERSON
Sat. Sept. 13th, 9:30 PM, SCOTIABANK 12
Sun. Sept. 14th, 3:45 PM, SCOTIABANK  3