CUB: Scouting... Murder Scouting, that is.

So if the trailer and stills from Cub are anything to go by, it's a heartwarming, coming-of-age story of a boy becoming a man and discovering himself as a Murder Scout.

Is it a coincidence that the image on the poster bears an eerie similarity to the terrifying children of Goodnight Mommy? Obviously not. Murder Scouts is an international--non-profit--organization. They have branches in Belgium and Austria. Everywhere!

Arts and crafts day for the Murder Scouts of Goodnight, Mommy.
Arts and crafts day in Cub. Coincidence? NO.

But while their penchant for masked mayhem is clearly a marker of the modern Murder Scout, Murder Scouts can earn merit badges in traditional Scouting skills like Athletics, Knot-Tying, Basketry,  Archery,  Chemistry, Backpacking, and Citizenship in the Community. But they also earn special merit badges in areas such as: Profiling, Carcass-Disposal, Blood Spatter Analysis, Sprees, Backstory, White Van Automotive Repair, Behaving Perfectly Normally, Blending In, and Being Quiet And Keeping To Yourself Mostly.

Working on an Orienteering Merit Badge or a Creepy Deserted Shed Badge?

And note the subtle differences in the Murder Scout Oath:

On my honor I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my country
and to obey the Murder Scout Law;
To appear to help other people at all times;
To keep myself physically strong,
mentally awake, and appear perfectly normal even though I am a terrifying Murder Scout."
Did you catch it?

Can you find the Murder Scout in this picture? EXACTLY!

It was the Murder Scout cases that made Manny Patinkin walk away from Criminal Minds. (So I suppose we have them to thank for Homeland.) Because seriously, the whole thing is just messed up.

"The UNSUB has merit badges in Electronics and Small Appliance Repair."

But as the Scouts say, "Be Prepared." What preparations can the average non-Murder Scout citizen or regular Scouts take against Murder Scouts and Murder Scouts, Int'l.? As far as I know, Murder Scouts cannot endure the cooties of the Vancouver-based indiepop punk Cuddlecore band Cub. Here Cub reveals that their Magic 8 Ball makes them unstoppable.

Also,  I'm pretty sure the only natural predator Murder Scouts have are isopods, as Dr. Barry Levinson proved years ago. I don't think weaponizing isopods is a good idea--as Dr. Barry Levinson also proved years ago.

Kicking back, secure in the knowledge that Murder Scouts are not a threat.

So fill your rucksacks with survival materials, refresh your first aid certifications, fill your MP3 player with Cuddlecore and stay the hell ouf of the woods, because Cub plays Midnight Madness tonight!

Boy Scout or Newly Blooded Murder Scout? You decide!

CUB screening times:
Wed., Sept. 10th, 11:59 PM, RYERSON
Thu., Sept. 11th, 8:30 PM, SCOTIABANK 8
Sat., Sept. 13th, 12:30 PM, SCOTIABANK 13

And catch more Murder Scout shenanigans in the Vanguard Program's GOODNIGHT MOMMY:
Wednesday, Sept 10th, 9:30 PM SCOTIABANK 14
Friday, Sept 12th, 3:00 PM THE BLOOR HOT DOCS CINEMA

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