 |
| Goddess, yes. Also possessed by the angry spirit of a ninja this one time. No bigs. |
Lucinda Dickey is a goddess among mere mortals. She stars in three Cannon films:
Breakin', Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo, and
Ninja III: The Domination. She dances, she kicks ass, she can climb a telephone pole, and she doesn't take crap from anyone. In honour of
Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films we present to you, o lucky readers of the Midnight Madness blog, an Ode To Lucinda Dickey! *trumpet sounds*
 |
| "My street name is Special K. What's yours? Thought so." |
We first meet Lucinda Dickey as Kelly in
Breakin'. This movie is all sorts of bad ass because there's dancing, popping, locking, Ice-T rapping (seriously), even more dancing, the flyest clothes you'll ever lay eyes on, and Christopher MacDonald conducting business. DID WE MENTION THE DANCING?! The low-down: Kelly isn't satisfied with her boring ol' jazz dance class. She meets Turbo and Ozone, discovers her own street name (Special K) and her love of popping and locking. With her new dance crew, nothing can stop them! Not the evil dance crew, Electro Rock, not her old dance instructor, not even those square judges.
Who Lucinda Dickey doesn't take crap from in Breakin': her gross dance instructor, appropriately named Franco, when he gets handsy with her, Ozone and Turbo when they think she might be too square, her agent James for not immediately falling in love with street dancing, that dastardly evil street dancing team, Electro Rock, and those pansy-ass judges for not believing in the gospel of street dancing. WE ARE NOT WORTHY, LUCINDA DICKEY.
 |
| "Hey, it says right here you wish you were as cool as me." |
And because we didn't get enough in
Breakin', Special K, Ozone, and Turbo are back in
Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo! We have no idea how much time has past since we last left our intrepid street dancers. A week? Months? Either way, we imagine this is how it went down in that first pre-production meeting:
"We need more dancing in this one. How can we do that?"
"Well, the problem is there's a plot and we can only have so many dance numbers within the plot."
"Eh, but do we need a plot?"
"Um..."
"Get rid of the plot! Less plot! More dancing!"
"Yessir."
"Also, get me some bulldozers! And dancing pregnant ladies!"
"Okay?"
"And make sure Ice-T shouts more in this one!"
"On it!"
And so it was done and Breakin' 2 was born. Amen. Sometimes sequels aren't as good, but this one increases the number of amazing Lucinda Dickey outfits by at least 300%, and also has at least once dance sequence every ten minutes, and introduces a much crazier plot line involving a community centre being shut down by The Evil Man (Oh no!) and the crew must dance to save it (Yeah!). And don't forget the dancing pregnant ladies we mentioned.
Who Lucinda Dickey doesn't take crap from in Breakin' 2: her stupid chorus dancing gig because blah, the lame-o chicks who try to tell her she doesn't belong with Ozone (say what?!), The Man, the bulldozers that The Man brings to the community centre, her parents for not believing in her, the guy her parents want her to marry but he is such a square (gross, mom!), and every hater who didn't think the crew could raise enough money to save the community centre. Take that, jabrones. WE BOW DOWN TO YOU, LUCINDA DICKEY.
 |
"Hey, Ozone? Yeah, sorry, I'm being a ninja right now. BBL!"
|
Lucinda took a break from dancing and started ninja fighting instead. Maybe you're all, "What?!" but it's your skepticism that would've prevented us from the gem known as
Ninja III: The Domination. Lucinda plays Christie, a mild mannered telephone maintenance working slash aerobics instructor (we knew she couldn't totally stay away from the spandex) who gets obsessed by the spirit of an angry ninja who takes over her body and goes on a killing spree to avenge his death. Also, she pours a can of V8 on herself at one point which we admit kind of confused us at first but she's Lucinda Dickey and she can do whatever she wants. You know, like sweating it out at the gym followed by a quick murder sesh in the hot tub. Just your typical Wednesday night.
Who Lucinda Dickey doesn't take crap from in Ninja III: that cop who was hitting on her and being a skeeze but then she changed her mind and made him lick V8 off her chest but it was her decision so that's cool, the ninja-murdering cop that she struck down in the hot tub, the ninja-murdering cop she struck down in his home, all the rest of those ninja-murdering cops, that tree she climbed like it was nobody's business, the Black Ninja for putting his spirit inside of her because nobody puts their ninja spirit inside of Lucinda Dickey without asking permission, and mystic James Hong for trying to take the spirit out of her because nobody takes a spirit out of Lucinda Dickey unless she's good and ready. YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF OUR LIVES, LUCINDA DICKEY.
 |
| Uh, the best way to get your daily intake of vegetables might be to ingest it. |
If you love Lucinda Dickey as much as we do, you've probably already marked your calendar for the midnight screening of
Electric Boogaloo. If not, what are you waiting for?! Do it for Special K, Ozone, and Turbo. Do it for dancing. Do it for that can of V8. But most importantly, do it for yourself.
